Winter

Welcome to my favourite season. Happy Winter Soltice. Welcome with warmth.
One day I will see you up there Northen Lights, wait for me I am coming. Feeling the changes.
Good night,
CA.

One more year....

has passed. Another challenging year and it is not over yet. Thankful to have made it one more year. Thankful for so many things. First of all, my family, my kids make me be a better person each day, my husband for the look in his beautiful eyes that makes me feel once in a while, it will all be ok.  My family, here, in Spain, in CA, I miss you daily. Painful realization to grow old with out you near. Yet thankful to have you always there for me. Xmas has always been a special time to me, melancholic time. I miss my friends in the US, a life that seems so far away now yet still so close and such a big part of my life.
Thankful for having meet some very special people in the Northen countries. Greatful for being filled with love.
A Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you. Lets hope for a good year, a great year. Just a peaceful year will suffice.
Lessons learnt: take care of yourself, you are very important.
CA you are always in my heart and will always be. You have become part of my name and will always have  a light in my heart.
All of you, you know who you are. I miss you. I send you love.
Peace,
CArolina

silence

that is what I want, absolute silence... is it that difficult? very tired today.
Had great fun with the kids listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUFcfXgW_dQ
so simple yet so brilliant.
Dream away, listen to the sound of silence if you can, it is beautiful when you can hear it.
Besos.

Hello hello hola!

Finally this works! :-) I have been missing writing alot.
Well, close to the end of the year again. Remembering memories lived, not taking anything for granted, living the moment and only the moment otherwise, life is almost sad, filled with regrets. Living the moment. New wringkles, white hairs, yet feeling healthy and fit. Looking forward almost all the way.
Happy to make others happy, happy to see my kids smiling.
missing you always,
CA

today

... was a good day, a day that we have lived in the present, all of us. Of course kids always live in the present but me? no. Today was a day to remember as a 'feel good' day, a day that I wish many more to come. Filled with positive energy, ideas, laughter, fun. Yet, there is something about these wonderful days, the preset is so strong that noting else matters, nor what goes on around the world, nothing but the moment we are in. When these moments happen we are not social, we are focused on the now. Fantastic. Yes, it feels good.
Beethoven, eyes closed... nothing better than that.
Back and trying hard everyday. As always my kids make me look forward and smile. Must stay strong.
Miss you Sweden.
Good night.
CA

lucky

to have experienced yet one more country; to have met some wonderful people in it; to absorb as much as I can from what is around me, nature in its fullest, clean air, beautiful sky; to notice that everyday is different, not only in terms of how we feel  but in terms of changing environment, new clouds, different light, different colors.
Lucky to feel this way. But as always it all comes to an end. Going back to a still foreign  land to me. Are we able to adapt? As an example, I could never see my friend here living anywhere else, why fight it. I think it is ok to feel how I feel. We are free thinkers after all, dreaming is free.
Good night
CA

Morning

crisp, birds from Scandinavia, different sing, different smell in the air. The size of the trees are immense, big leaves, feathers all over, windy, tower clouds with pure colors. Morning walks in the fog or under the sunshine that fills me with energy. Sun rays that recharge me as they do to Wall-E. Moments touch, appreciation in my heart. Loving it so much. After just a few days here I could spend the rest of my life. Dreams... if I keep them in my heart, someday I will be closer to them. So there, Sweden is in my heart. I have put it there and will remain there as a wonderful dream, a fantastic experience that someday may become true.
Keeping in mind the changes, daily changes all around. Acceptance. Now.
Good night.

CA

asi es ...

“Después de un tiempo, uno aprende la sutil diferencia
entre sostener una mano
y encadenar un alma;
Y uno aprende que el amor no significa acostarse,
y que una ...compañía no significa seguridad,
y uno empieza a aprender…
Que los besos no son contratos y los regalos no son promesas,
y uno empieza a aceptar sus derrotas con la cabeza alta
y los ojos abiertos,
y uno aprende a construir todos sus caminos en el hoy,
porque el terreno de mañana es demasiado inseguro para planes…
y los futuros tienen su forma de caerse por la mitad.

Y uno aprende que si es demasiado
hasta el calor del sol puede quemar.

Así que uno planta su propio jardín y decora su propia alma,
en lugar de que alguien le traiga flores.

Y uno aprende que realmente puede aguantar,
que uno es realmente fuerte,
que uno realmente vale,
y uno aprende y aprende… y así cada día.

Con el tiempo aprendes que estar con alguien
porque te ofrece un buen futuro,
significa que tarde o temprano querrás volver a tu pasado.

Con el tiempo comprendes que sólo quién es capaz
de amarte con tus defectos y sin pretender cambiarte
puede brindarte toda la felicidad.

Con el tiempo aprendes que si estás con una persona
sólo por acompañar tu soledad,
irremediablemente acabarás no deseando volver a verla.

Con el tiempo aprendes que los verdaderos amigos son contados
y quién no lucha por ellos, tarde o temprano,
se verá rodeado sólo de falsas amistades.

Con el tiempo aprendes que las palabras dichas en momentos de ira
siguen hiriendo durante toda la vida.

Con el tiempo aprendes que disculpar cualquiera lo hace,
pero perdonar es atributo sólo de almas grandes.

Con el tiempo comprendes que si has herido a un amigo duramente
es muy probable que la amistad nunca sea igual.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta que aún siendo feliz con tus amigos,
lloras por aquellos que dejaste ir.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que cada experiencia vivida,
con cada persona, es irrepetible.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta que el que humilla
o desprecia a un ser humano, tarde o temprano
sufrirá multiplicadas las mismas humillaciones o desprecios.

Con el tiempo aprendes a construir todos tus caminos en el hoy,
porque el sendero del mañana no existe.

Con el tiempo comprendes que apresurar las cosas y forzarlas a que pasen
ocasiona que al final no sean como esperabas.

Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que en realidad lo mejor no era el futuro,
sino el momento que estabas viviendo justo en ese instante.

Con el tiempo verás que aunque seas feliz con los que están a tu lado,
añorarás a los que se marcharon.

Con el tiempo aprenderás a perdonar o pedir perdón,
decir que amas, decir que extrañas, decir que necesitas,
decir que quieres ser amigo, pues ante
una tumba, ya no tiene sentido.

Pero desafortunadamente, sólo con el tiempo…”

Jorge Luis Borges - Aprendiendo.

but

there is always that feeling hanging. Is it there? how long is it going to last? is it real? am I afraid? are you afraid? places with memories but mixed feelings. Want to run away now, fast, silent. Perhaps only for a swim to find myself again for a few minutes. To find that woman, that brave woman that I am and ask her for guidance, advice. Listen to her.
New month approaching, changes again, looking forward.
kisses,
night
CA

just

wanted to share the beautiful feelings of a friend of mine that is falling in love, her passion, excitement, desperation, agony. They all come together. There is no balance in falling in love all is sick crazy, exaggerated, hyper, beautiful, great, but it can suck too. Very unique feelings that make me smile.
Have a peaceful but hey! crazy night too!
CA

hello

to all my friends around the world, from Japan, to CA,  Germany, Spain, Greece, MD, MS, NYC,  Scotland, to all. Sending you a warm friendly hug and wishing you are enjoying the moments the best you can.
Someday I will write a book for you all.
Good night and a smile :-)
CA  

felt

the power of now for a few overwhelming seconds, then again I feel it daily mostly with my kids around. Although these few seconds were filled with joy of the present, nothing else in my mind, just the adrenaline of the moment, passion, fury, beautiful. I even think I looked beautiful afterwards. Joy make us beautiful, fresh. Lets, must step out of the routine once in a while, it is so worth it.
Enjoy your summer night, starry night, peaceful night. Silence, quiet, I can hear you.
CA
 

U.S.A.

Happy birthday to the beautiful United States of America. You are an amazing country. I miss you everyday since the day I left you. I feel joy in that I have spent 17 years of my life surrounded by so much beauty in CA and MD. Always in my heart.
With love,
Happy 4th!

CA

read

something great today. Basically the message is to live with less, travel light, get involve with the surroundings, learn something everyday. Leave all technologies behind for some hours everyday. Focus on what is important in your life.
muuuuac
CA
 

familiar

there is nothing like a familiar place, a place with good memories, no matter what the surroundings are, the memories are most important. It can go both ways. No matter what, keep it together, keep your strength and make your self grow. Block unwanted thoughts. Always surround yourself with people that make you feel grand. Nature, the beauty around us can be just breath taking, there is always that right? Our families... How important is that?
Wishing you a Great start of July.
CA

Amaral

have you listened to her? Love this one among many others: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0eLX8kKKa0 She inspires me. Felt the urge to write this morning, perhaps because I have sometime alone, perhaps to give another try for it to come out of me, something meaningful that sometimes I am unable to express with words. It just lives inside me,  but really it is a beautiful thing and this is why I want to share it with you. "Pero esta noche moriria por vos" how romantic!!. Sometimes our romantic side is shaded, no time for it, no chance or opportunity to express it. We could also be romantic with our selves right? I am trying just that, don't let go of beautiful feelings because there is no one dear to you around to share them,  express it in daily activities, with people around you. Just look up the sky, isn't it beautiful, so grandioso, above, beyond, no matter where we are in the world we share  the same sky.
Just curious, are you reading me? tell me who you are :)
Wishing you a wonderful day of summer, it is not too cold, not too hot, it is just perfect because it is today, it is now.
always
CA

control

breath, change your thoughts, breath, it is going to be ok, breath, try not to think about it,  inner peace. Breath.

Welcome Summer 2013.
with love,
CA

summer

welcome summer, better welcome it because is coming anyway. Not my favorite season, still nice to enjoy the sea and watch the starry nights from the beach. Fun for the kids that is for sure. One year ago we moved, this year feels a bit easier in some ways.
Still dreaming off the coast of Point Sur, closing me eyes and flying there, isn't it great? we can fly wherever we want with our imagination and our thoughts can be only for us if we choose to. Need some quiet time, perhaps alone, exercise, swim, music, silence. Enjoy to the fullest, each day is precious. Eat well, remember you are what you eat.
Off to a great start of the summer.
Happy Solstice, June 21st 5:04 am.
Lets celebrate.
Peace and love,
CA 

expats

what makes a country your own? most of us will say the place where we were born, raised, where our family comes from or perhaps the country that has welcome us, that has given us opportunities, a sense of security, a job, social network.  We expats know well these feelings, cannot have it all can we?  do other people understand us? well who cares. The bottom line is to feel well and live in the NOW. Recently read about the NOW, now it's all we have..... scary thought isn't it? but it also gives a sense of relief.
Did you see the little rainbow at the plaza's fountain today, did you see the beautiful puffy cloud up in the sky, did you hear your son saying something sweet, cute, funny? did you express your emotions to your loved one today?
But the truth is that living in the NOW means to not think future or past, very difficult to achieve right? except when doing something very intense that requires our full attention.
What if we don't like the NOW? what if we live of the past experiences and future hope? does life sucks then? I don't know the right answer. I only know that all 3, past, now, and future are important to feel safe and loved. The NOW it's so ephemeral, such is life.

Have sweet dreams, the summer is approaching, hot, light, rest, exhaustion, fun, sun, sea, stars, kids. When is the winter coming?

good night
CA

Rafa

Nadal, Congratulations! Unfortunately I didn't get the chance to watch him but I read the news! almost in tears! wow! Congratulations! what an amazing player! I am filled with joy and pride. I loved his sincerity and speech. Clearly someone to look up to.
I am smiling now for him and for Spain.
:)
Have a peaceful and happy evening.
CA

satisfaction

... that last for a few seconds...  "I wouldn't have nothing if I didn't have you"....  but that is what it's all about making the satisfactions last a bit longer and a little more and more until they all connect.... now, that would be paradise.
I am happy with the little moments for now.
Have a great weekend!

CA

one

year ago, yes one year ago we moved. Sometimes it feels like a year flies away as a breath take but some others the year seems long. A lot of things do happen in a year. Are you the same person as you were last year, at this same time? perhaps we know a little more about something, forget about other things, feel a bit different about today than yesterday. Yes, we are one year older, more white hair, new wrinkles and stains on the skin. Can we say: is my life going in the direction I wanted to? or at least: is it better than last year? or even more is it better than yesterday? because that is what it's all about. The sum of events must be positive. Filter out the poison. Keep calm and strong. Keep moving forward. Books, music are always our friends. Human touch. Here we are.
Miss you.
CA

wind

finally a windy day! I guess not everyone craves wind as for example the people who live in tornado ally in the US. Here wind brings cooler cleaner air. It fills me with feelings of renovation, hope, inspiration, movement. That is what life is about, not stagnation but currents of air, of water, of feelings. For example listening to Vivaldi on a windy day makes you grow inside doesn't it? I feel that way. As much as I want to fight it ... feeling a bit more settle here.
Have a great day, a wonderful Memorial weekend.
CA

Changes

again... do we really change or is it the situation that changes and we remain the same for the most part? I think so. We always had that feeling within us.
Spain: back, sun, sweet, nice, essences. 
Looking back at a year ago, and another year before that and again once more. What will it be a year from now? Better stay in the present. It is worth it.

May, must write about May, its colors, smells, breezes, silver waters, puffy clouds, warm sun, beautiful flowers all around us.
Good night my friends. Is anybody out there?
CA

Positive

just a positive note:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLgYAHHkPFs

Feeling good and wanting to transmit this feeling to you. It is important to feel well sometimes. All the time is better but impossible to my mind, so some is better than none. It is all about our surroundings, about our dreams, about our community, our little big minds that do all the work.
Integration is difficult, adaptation is another level. We fight, refuse, I don't want to, never! yet our fight with the surroundings eventually wins, wait who wins?... not sure but the end result is to feel better no matter what. The secret is in the little moments, the details.
Peace and CA always.

Carolina

Rise and Shine

love it. After over 3 years I finally start feeling better. All changes in our lives take time, sometimes a long time. Often it is not up to us to speed things up. All set and done, I breath easier. And I do say life is good. Looking forward to our future plans.
Have a great April weekend.
:)
Καλήμερα
CA

calm

just wanted to share my calm. Calm is good, inspires me, relaxes me. It is quiet. Of course not all the way but better than usual. The calm fills me with ideas. Although I try not to think of the future it is sometimes inevitable. Always putting the kids first, but what the hell! we must pay attention to ourselves too!
Beatles "Let it be" what would be of us without the Beatles? Thank you for making our lives better!
New week... again someone away... not easy.
Good nite.
CA

is it?

"it's not having what you want is wanting what you've got"
There is something about weather that is just beautiful, way above all of us.  We are down here small, so small, but so big.
 Difficult to face the day, blocking unwanted thoughts.
Back to my kids that make me happy.
Ready to fly again, just trying to learn the way again.
Have a great day!

CA

just

... to welcome 28 day February. Just to say hi. Just to say that 'no he dejado ni un momento de pensar'. Just to say I do stop and smell the flowers. Just to say I still feel anguish, melancholy. Just to say that my kids teach me love, patience, show me the way when I am lost. Just to say that I want to scream everyday but that I do not do it because of them. Just to say there is hope and there will always be hope in my heart, perhaps not in my mind. Just to say that I miss some things like crazy but that I keep going because it is OK, it is human. Just to say I want to help you in any way I could.
Just to say good night to you.
CA.

music

always inspiring to write, to think, to feel. But only the right music speaks to us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyihQtBes1I

My kids' hugs, love, words, company, they are just happiness. Last day of January 2013, odd year, odd month, 3 years away, odd again. It will eventually get even. I know it and it will all be worth it in the end. I want to write. I want to learn. I want to teach. If there would only be time... at least time to sleep 7 hours straight.

Happy February!

 

Hola

I am here, hiding sometimes but nothing to hide. Wanted to fly to CA too but also wanted to avoid the pain to leave again. I think I have accepted to make it work, but does this mean I will never get my way, my dreams? True that every decision we make take us to a new place for a reason, we build our own paths. Whatever it is, it is for the best. Is it though? not sure.
CA.

endure

... endure... endure.... you can do it, we can do it. There is light in the end,  I can start to feel it to see it, to hear it and even taste it. Go go go. Afraid, very afraid BUT it will get easier.
good night to you.

quote

Loved this quote and wanted to share with you.

Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
James C. Dobson

In the mean time trying the best I can at what I do, yet wondering and dreaming off California. Still I am California or Carolina, same thing.

Have a wonderful evening.

2013

Odd number. Was it a good start of the year for you? I hope so. I always thought it was important to start well the new year. I believe on the wishes made that day, on the dreams and hopes for the year to come. Yet for me it was not a good start. Unfortunately I have to say it was filled with fears and anxiety, uncertainty and pain. But today I am better and it is all about today right? move on, look forward, reborn I may say.
How much is too much? I guess each one of us sets our own limits yet enough is enough.

Good evening to you from me,
California